when my heart speaks...

hello dear readers, here we go...i combined all my pictures since i was 13 years old until this year...well, it has been almost 6 years since i left my childhood..... i miss being a child and i miss being a 12 years old little girl so much...that time when i don't think much about what or how my future will be. that time when i don't think much about this old, dark and creepy world...and i don't care much about what other people will think of me.

it's not that im saying when i was 12, i don't care about all these things at all..but i just don't think and care as much as i do now..i know it's a common thoughts when we care a lot about what others think and what others feel. but now it's obviously too much. because i think and care too much. it's not as easy as before now... :( 

well i know....im not supposed to feel down and be a sad girl like this for the rest of my life, instead i should be strong and survive ! how can i have a better life and walk forward if i keep on looking at the back- and missing my past? is it worth at all? i thought i've somehow managed to think like an adult. "when we love something, let it go..if it comes back, it meant to be ours. but if it doesn't, it wasn't meant to be ours." but but but...hey hey what am i talking about? where's my point here?

i am so sorry...it just sometimes i can't express what im feeling in a correct way...how to say it? how to write it out? there is something that we can't even express by any word nor anyhow....but i know, from what you see and what you have seen before.....my blog has been filled with misery since year and years ago. IF YOU ASK ME WHY ?

i don't even know, because when im thinking about the things that keep on lingering on my mind, everything seems so miserable for me..is it strange for me to think this way? or perhaps i have a bad thinking-style after all? IM NOT SURE...im not sure at all...there are just too many things that i have to do and i MUST DO before my time comes...

i have a dream......

TO BE THE BEST SERVANT OF ALLAH.

but im just an ordinary and week girl that wish to be a better and pious girl someday...i know i should try to change myself started from this moment..stop giving excuses and do what has to be done..  

may ALLAH help and guide us all... AMIN.